


[divaboo renamed the chat to “boo and his bitches”!]

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Texting, some idols from other groups make appearances
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-03 10:31:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11530383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: mingew: what.mingew: the.mingew: fuck.sun: i second thatprince of china: i third thatnaega hoe: i fourth that[wonwoohoo has left the chat]





	1. Chapter 1

**[dark angel added scoops, praise the lord, and 10 others to the chat!]**

**vernillaice:** lol what's this

 **dark angel:** this group chat makes it easier for us to communicate to each other  
**dark angel:** when we can't communicate in person

 **divaboo:** o k

**[h u r r i c a n e has left the chat]**

**sun:** wtf

**[dark angel added h u r r i c a n e to the chat]**

**h u r r i c a n e:** NO  
**h u r r i c a n e:** I AM STILL EXTREMELY TRAUMATISED  
**h u r r i c a n e:** DO NOT TALK TO ME YOON JEONGHAN

 **dark angel:** _hyung_

 **h u r r i c a n e:**  
**  
****h u r r i c a n e:** hYuNg

 **scoops:** ffs get over it soonyoung

 **pure maknae:** what happened?? :((  
**pure maknae:** why are you upset hyung   
**pure maknae:** are you ok

 **dark angel:** o m g  
**dark angel:** chan is still my fav member of the group ok  
**dark angel:** he's so c u t e  
**dark angel:** i just want to pinch his cheeks

 **pure maknae:** thanks hyung <33  
**pure maknae:** but you didn't answer my question :((  
**pure maknae:** what happened??

 **scoops:** let's not.

 **S N E E Z E:** o shit  
**S N E E Z E:** hE USED PUNCTUATION GUYS  
**S N E E Z E:** U KNO SHIT'S BOUTTA GET REAL UP IN HERE

 **dark angel:** so um

 **h u r r i c a n e:** I WALKED IN ON JEONGHAN AND SEUNGCHEOL FUCKING  
**h u r r i c a n e:** I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE  
**h u r r i c a n e:** MY INNOCENCE HAS BEEN TAINTED

 **divaboo:** lmao as if u were even innocent to begin with

 **prince of china:** ^

 **thug8:** ^

 **the real visual of svt:** ^

 **sun:** ^

 **h u r r i c a n e:** even my own boyfriend is against me what is this sorcery  
**h u r r i c a n e:** IM A DEAD MAN  
**h u r r i c a n e:**  


 **sun:** omg no dont cry  
**sun:** bABE  
**sun:** i love youuuuuuu  
**sun:** im sorry :((

 **h u r r i c a n e:** im  
**h u r r i c a n e:** dont touch me im soft  
**h u r r i c a n e:** leE SEOKMIN  
**h u r r i c a n e:** whAT DiD i dO to deSerVE aN anGeL likE YOu

 **sun:** nothing  
**sun:** you're already perfect ^_^

 **divaboo:** lee seokmin, everyone  
**divaboo:** the _true_ maknae of seventeen

 **thug8:** ewwww get that sappy shit out of here

 **prince of china:** that's not what you said when we cuddled last night  
**prince of china:** and i told you loads of cheesy pickup lines and all the reasons why i love you

 **guitar wielder:** get e x p o s e d™  
**guitar wielder:** xu minGHAO **  
**

**thug8:**  


**the real visual of svt:** no offense but can you guys like  
**the real visual of svt:** shut up

 **divaboo:** all offense taken

 **the real visual of svt:** IM WATCHING YURI ON ICE  
**the real visual of svt:** AND MY PHONE WONT STOP DINGING  
**the real visual of svt:** CAN I NOT JUST  
**the real visual of svt:** WATCH MY ANIME IN PEACE??

 **praise the lord:** omg yuri on ice  
**praise the lord:** i lovE THAT ANIME SO MUCH  
**praise the lord:** hshdoUEHhasjEH i CRIED 3 LITERS OF TEARS @ EP 12

 **S N E E Z E:** season 2 is coming out soon!!!  
**S N E E Z E:** im so pumped holy shit

 **praise the lord:** i'll ignore the use of profanity for now because this is yuRI ON ICE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!

 **divaboo:** ngl victor kissing yuri killed me  
**divaboo:** this is boo seungkwan's soul sending you messages from heaven

 **vernillaice:** *hell  
**vernillaice:** with all the sinful things u've done i rly dont think u would b able to get into heaven

 **divaboo:** shUT UP LET ME JUST DROWN IN MY FEELS  
**divaboo:** AS I reCOLLECT THAT BEAUTIFUL MEMORY

 **the real visual on svt:** y'all im only on like episode 5  
**the real visual on svt:** stop spoiling jfc

 **divaboo:** THEN JUST LEAVE  
**divaboo:** IM GOING TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT YOI SO JUST LEAVE  
**divaboo:** WE'LL ADD YOU BACK WHEN THE TALK IS OVER

 **the real visual on svt:** aight bye hunties  
**the real visual on svt:** look forward to seeing u again (not)

**[the real visual of svt has left the chat]**

**dark angel:** whats up kids i just went to get a snack

 **S N E E Z E:** YURI ON ICE  
**S N E E Z E:** THATS WHATS UP

 **vernillaice:** what even is it  
**vernillaice:** like i know its an anime but i havent watched it yet is it good??

 **divaboo:** it's SO GOOD HOLY SHIT  
**divaboo:** THATS IT WE'RE REWATCHING IT TOGETHER  
**divaboo:** YOU, ME, MY ROOM, 10PM

 **vernillaice:** ok sure but like what is it about

 **scoops:** it's about figure skating  
**scoops:** that whole anime is gayer than all of us combined tbh

 **vernillaice:** wait so did they fuck??

 **divaboo:** ok  
**divaboo:** maybe _not_ gayer than us

 **guitar wielder:** no anime is gayer than boku no pico

 **praise the lord:** *war flashbacks*

 **pure maknae:** hYUNG OMG YOU WATCHED IT TOO??

 **praise the lord:** “TOO”??  
**praise the lord:** WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS   
**praise the lord:** L E E  C H A N

 **pure maknae:** im sorry  
**pure maknae:** remember that i love you all  
**pure maknae:** thank you for everything my beloved members  
**pure maknae:** i gotTA BLAST NOW

**[dark angel changed pure maknae's nickname to “sinful maknae”]**

**guitar wielder:** IM WHEEZ  I N F  
**guitar wielder:** I CAN HEAR THE FOOTSTEPS   
**guitar wielder:** CHAN IS REALLY RUNNING OH MY GOD

 **scoops:** joshua  
**scoops:** leave the poor baby alone  
**scoops:** he's at that age where he's curious about things.  
**scoops:** let him watch porn on full blast if he wants to

 **dark angel:** SEUNGCHEOL  
**dark angel:** BOKU NO PICO ISNT SOMETHING YOU CAN GET OFF TO  
**dark angel:** THAT ANIME FUCKING RUINED ME YOU DONT UNDERSTAND  
**dark angel:** EVERY TIME SOMEONE MENTIONS IT I FEEL LIKE THROWING UP

 **scoops:** hey  
**scoops:** this is a kinkshame-free zone  
**scoops:** if chan finds it hot then let him jerk off to it

 **S N E E Z E:** holy shit  
**S N E E Z E:** if only my real dad was like this when he found out i was watching porn

 **prince of china:** lol u got caught??

 **S N E E Z E:** uh not exactly  
**S N E E Z E:** and no i am not giving you guys the full story  
**S N E E Z E:** fuck all the way off.

 **divaboo:** idk what u mean @ jihoon  
**divaboo:** sekaiichi hatsukoi is obv best yaoi

 **guitar wielder:** lol no  
**guitar wielder:** hybrid child is way better

 **divaboo:** junjou romantica is better by tenfold

 **guitar wielder:** uRGH  
**guitar wielder:** diSGURSTING shiET

 **dark angel:** DID YOU jUST QUOTE LEGEND OF THE BLUE SEA !! 1 !1!!  
**dark angel:** FUCK IT _YOu'RE_ MY FAVORITE CHILD NOW

 **thug8:** are you guys really  
**thug8:** fighting over yaoi

 **divaboo:** yes  
**divaboo:** see this is what happens when all your best friends are gay smh  
**divaboo:** i was gay first  
**divaboo:** y'all copied me

 **scoops:** lol no i was totally gay for jeonghan waAAAY before you became infatuated with vernon

 **guitar wielder:** excuse me but  
**guitar wielder:** i fell in love at first sight with jisoo  
**guitar wielder:** i knew i was gay like 0.0001 seconds after that

 **vernillaice:** now y'all are fighting over who swerved into the gay lane first  
**vernillaice:** why do i even bother staying in seventeen  
**vernillaice:** actually i wonder if bts are still accepting new members??  
**vernillaice:** maybe i can join and that'll stop the “8th member” theories

 **divaboo:** admit it vernon  
**divaboo:** you're staying only because of me  
**divaboo:** you love me ;)

 **vernillaice:** i do  
**vernillaice:** but sometimes i wonder why

 **scoops:**  


**dark angel:** did  
**dark angel:** did you just  
**dark angel:** did you just use  _jeon fucking jungkook_ as a meme?

 **scoops:** yes what u gonna do abt it bitch  
**scoops:** ngl he's hot

 **divaboo** **:** lmao watch me show these messages to taehyung and seungcheol is gonna b dead as a doornail

 **scoops:** seungcheol  _hyung_

 **divaboo:** ok

 **praise the lord:** i thINK I JUST BUST A LUNG  
**praise the lord:** SEND HELP

 **sun:** ring ring, hello, can you send an ambulance here?

 **h u r r i c a n e:** sneakily promoting pristin i c u  
**h u r r i c a n e:** smh we do a better job of promoting pristin than pledis does

 **prince of china:** yikes

 **praise the lord:** yALL IGNORING ME HERE  
**praise the lord:** IM BOUTTA DIE

 **thug8:** then just hurry up and go jfc hyung

 **sun:** lmao i like that u still put 'hyung' after that like  
**sun:** i just roasted u hard ,,, but i still gotta be polite u kno

 **thug8:** im a good child  
**thug8:** unlike some of u guys here

 **vernillaice:**  


**prince of china:** “good child” my ass  
**prince of china:** u were screaming my name so loud last night the whole dorm probably heard

 **dark angel:** ffs i did not want to have to recall that memory but ok

 **divaboo:** but hey that means ur doing something right  
**divaboo:** hittin' all the right spots since 1996, wen junhui the prince of china with an ego as big as the sun

 **h u r r i c a n e:** seokmin isn't _that_ big ,,,

 **guitar wielder:** im cRYinFG  
**guitar wielder:** DID YOU JUST INSULT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S DICK SIZE

 **vernillaice:** whAOHSDUohu WHAT KIND OF BOYFRIEND ARE YOU HAHHAHAHHAH

 **h u r r i c a n e:** OH MY GOD  
**h u r r i c a n e:** YALL NASTY  
**h u r r i c a n e:** I MEANT HES NOT THAT  _TALL_  
**h u r r i c a n e:**  


**thug8:** im laughing so hard i cant breathe i think i have asthma

 **h u r r i c a n e:** oh but trust me  
**h u r r i c a n e:** he's  _real_ big if that's what ur talkin about ;))

 **sun:** BABE

 **h u r r i c a n e:** but its true

 **S N E E Z E:** i  
**S N E E Z E:** did not need to know that

**[praise the lord renamed the chat to “y'all sinners”]**

**dark angel:** bye im disowning all of you

 

 

 

 

  


	2. soonyoung the snek

**_y'all sinners - July 16, 1:00 PM._ **

**[sinful maknae added the real visual of svt to the chat!]**

**sinful maknae:** welcome back hyung!!!

 **the real visual of svt:** thank you

**[h u r r i c a n e sent an audio file]**

**the real visual of svt:** the fuck is that

 **praise the lord:** c o u g h s  
**praise the lord:** jeon wonwoo.

 **the real visual of svt:** *the fukc is that

 **praise the lord:** that’s the same thing u idiot

 **the real visual of svt:** its spelled wrongly so its not :))

 **divaboo:** *it’s

 **praise the lord:** looks like you need some spelling and grammar classes  
**praise the lord:** i’m surprised you managed to graduate high school

 **the real visual of svt:**  


**divaboo:** WAIt HOLD UP  
**divaboo:** whAT I S THAT AUDIO FILE JASIJDOAI  
**divaboo:** MY EARDRUMS ARE BLEEDinG

 **thug8:** it’s not loading for me fuck the wifi  
**thug8:** *fukc

 **praise the lord:** -_-  
**praise the lord:** but it isn’t loading for me, either  
**praise the lord:**  what is it, anyway?

 **sinful maknae:** i,,, i dont understand.

 **praise the lord:**???

 **thug8:**??? x2

 **sinful maknae:** is that jeonghan-hyung screaming “daddy”??  
**sinful maknae:** did he have a nightmare about his parents??? :((  
**sinful maknae:** jeonghan-hyung are you ok??

 **praise the lord:** i  
**praise the lord:** whAT

**[vernillaice has changed sinful maknae’s nickname to “innocent child”!]**

**innocent child:** what

 **divaboo:** chan, leave  
**divaboo:** leave right now you’re too pure for this chat bye

 **innocent child:** whAT

 **vernillaice:** sEUNGKWAN JUST BUST INTO THE ROOM AND SNATCHED CHAN’s PHONE OUT OF HIs hANds  
**vernillaice:**  


**thug8:** now that’s what i call real parenting  
**thug8:** seungcheol, jeonghan, take notes

 **dark angel:** SOONYOUNG  
**dark angel:** SOONYOUNG WHAT THE FUCK

 **prince of china:** its too early for this shit smh  
**prince of china:** I MEAN  
**prince of china:** its too early for this _hsit_ smh

 **thug8:** its like 1pm wtf jun

 **prince of china:** shut up

 **thug8:** make me ;))

 **scoops:** how to delet someone else's message

 **dark angel:** SOONYOUNG YOU ARE  _DEAD  
_**dark angel:** IM KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS DORM THATS IT GOODBYE

 **scoops:** how the hell did u get that audio anyway, soon??

 **h u r r i c a n e:** jeonghan was so loud my phone could pick up his voice from outside the door  
**h u r r i c a n e:** not my fault i was just walking past

 **dark angel:** MINGYU IM KICKING YOU OUT TOO

 **S N E E Z E:** whAT WHAT DID I DO  
**S N E E Z E:** I DID NOTHING

 **dark angel:** I CAN HEAR YOU CACKLING FROM THE KITCHEN  
**dark angel:** SHUT IT YOU DONG

 **guitar wielder:** jeonghan has a daddy kink confirmed

 **dark angel:** I HATE YOU ALL

 **scoops:** even me?? :((

 **dark angel:** SEUNGCHEOL NOT NOW

 **h u r r i c a n e:** thats what u get for messing with naega hosh bitch

**[scoops changed h u r r i c a n e’s nickname to “i hate snakeu”]**

**scoops:** u lil SNAKE

 **i hate snakeu:** das right  
**i hate snakeu:** hiss hiss motherfuckers

 **praise the lord:** kwon soonyoung.

 **i hate snakeu:** hiss hiss mthorufckers

 **sun:** im laughinf jeonghan just got exposedt  
**sun:** yES BABY EXPOSE HIM  
**sun:**  


**i hate snakeu:** love u bb <33

 **sun:** love u too :*

 **vernillaice:** aww  
**vernillaice:** this is cute tbh

 **sun:** c'mere babe i'll suck you off

 **vernillaice:** oH  
**vernillaice:** NOT CUTE NOT CUTE

 **divaboo:** i chokED

 **i hate snakeu:** you're not the only one who's gonna be choking 2nite ;)

 **sun:** huRRY UP SOONYOUNG  
**sun:** im horny

 **praise the lord:** NO  
**praise the lord:** THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

 **prince of china:** sorry to break it to u but  
**prince of china:** no one cares josh

 **dark angel:** how to kill your kids and not get arrested

 **vernillaice:** um  
**vernillaice:** are we supposed to answer that??

 **dark angel:** oh no don't answer that   
**dark angel:** that was meant for google sorry ^_^

 **guitar wielder:** oh

**[vernillaice has left the group chat]**

**[divaboo has left the group chat]**

**[sun has left the group chat]**

**[i hate snakeu has left the group chat]**

**[thug8 has left the group chat]**

**[prince of china has left the group chat]**

**[S N E E Z E has left the group chat]**

**[the real visual of svt has left the group chat]**

**[innocent child has left the group chat]**

**[guitar wielder has left the group chat]**

**praise the lord:** o h 

 **dark angel:** well  
**dark angel:** it worked

 

 

_**S N E E Z E and the real visual of svt’s private chat. - July 16, 1:30 PM.** _

**S N E E Z E:** wonwoo

 **the real visual of svt:** yes???

 **S N E E Z E:** he's coming for me.  
**S N E E Z E:** i heard jeonghan screaming in rage  
**S N E E Z E:** it's stopped now.

 **the real visual of svt:** kim mingyu what the fuck

 **S N E E Z E:** i hear footsteps approaching.  
**S N E E Z E:** he's coming for me.  
**S N E E Z E:** im so sorry it has to end like this wonwoo

 **the real visual of svt:** mingyu calm down u shit he's not going to kill you

 **S N E E Z E:** goodbye, my love...  
**S N E E Z E:** i love you, please remember that...

 **the real visual of svt:** i love you too but _w h a t  t h e  f u c k_

 **S N E E Z E:**  


**the real visual of svt:** ok you know what i take it back  
**the real visual of svt:** kim mingyu im breaking up with you

 


	3. Chapter 3

_**y'all sinners - July 19, 11:00 AM.** _

**[dark angel added i hate snakeu, guitar wielder and 8 others to the chat!]**

**dark angel:** hi welcome back  
**dark angel:** my 9 precious beautiful sweet children

 **guitar wielder:** 9?

 **dark angel:** correction*  
**dark angel:** 10 children, 1 of which was a mistake

 **guitar wielder:** oh

 **i hate snakeu:** i dont deserve this unfair treatment

 **dark angel:** u know damn well u do  
**dark angel:** i was  _this close_  
**dark angel:**  
  
**dark angel:** from kicking your ass all the way to the moon

 **i hate snakeu:** well shit  
**i hate snakeu:** aint my fault u got a daddy kink

 **dark angel:** IM-

 **scoops:** cool it, babe  
**scoops:** its fine

 **dark angel:** im going to kill him in his sleep

 **i hate snakeu:** BRING IT ON BI TCH  
**i hate snakeu:** u think im scared of u?  
**i hate snakeu:** think again

 **prince of china:** my drama senses are tingling  
**prince of china:** i have been summoned

 **thug8:** i smell a new netflix series coming up  
**thug8:** 13 reasons why: yoon jeonghan ver.

 **dark angel:** u know what  
**dark angel:** all of my children were mistakes

 **innocent child:** love u too!!!!

 **dark angel:** ok maybe not all

 **divaboo:** HOLY SHIT DAMN THO  
**divaboo:** KOKOBOP WAS _LIT_  
**divaboo:** MY WIG HAS BEEN SNATCHED I AM BALD

 **vernillaice:** my grades are good my acne is gone my skin is clear my dark smtm4 past has finally been forgotten

 **scoops:** lol no that meme will forever live on

 **vernillaice:** fuck

**praise the lord:**  


**vernillaice:** *fuggck

 **guitar wielder:** joshua baby leave the guy alone  
**guitar wielder:** we're all grown men let us do whatever we want

 **the real visual of svt:** NAN MWORADO

 **S N E E Z E:** DO

 **vernillaice:** *CUE EPIC BEAT DROP*

 **guitar wielder:** nvm i hate all of you

 **sun:** he protec  
**sun:**  
  
**sun:** but he also attac  
**sun:**  


**i hate snakeu:** BZBBZBUIHAOFKSJHE

 **guitar wielder:** I HATE ALL OF YOU

 **S N E E Z E:** no pls never bring up predebut  
**S N E E Z E:** im gonna cry

 **divaboo:** ULGO SIPJI ANHA

 **S N E E Z E:** im tempted to leave this chat

 **thug8:** cant relate sorry

 **vernillaice:** ok but back to kokobop  
**vernillaice:** someone explain to me wtf  _this_ shit was??  
**vernillaice:**  


**thug8:** thats like that avatar game thing we did during ofd in japan???  
**thug8:** where mingew and jeonghan-hyung had to drink a couple drink or smth

**[dark angel changed S N E E Z E's nickname to “mingew”!]**

**the real visual of svt:** shut up im still bitter  
**the real visual of svt:** that shouldve been me in jeonghan-hyung's position smh

 **dark angel:** it rly shouldve  
**dark angel:** i had to share a drink with the epitome of “what the fuck is hygiene” that is kim mingyu

 **the real visual of svt:** dONT YOU DARE INSULT MY BOYFRIEND

 **mingew:**  
**mingew:** why do i exist

 **thug8:** same

 **divaboo:** @hansol  
**divaboo:** hunhan? xiuchen? sorry, i only know xiuhun

 **vernillaice:** biTCH HOW FUCKING DARE YOU  
**vernillaice:** HUNHAN AND XIUCHEN ARE THE  _SHIT_

 **divaboo:** ay im just speaking truth lmao

 **praise the lord:** ive come to the conclusion that all my attempts to prevent you from cussing are fruitless

 **scoops:** took you long enough ffs

 **prince of china:** ^

 **vernillaice:** boo seungkwan our relationship is over  
**vernillaice:** this is  _ **war.**_

 **prince of china:** ohOHOHOHO  
**prince of china:** now  _this_ is the shit i signed up for when i joined this gc

 **divaboo:** c'mon then  _vernonnie  
_**divaboo:** _come for me_

 **thug8:** oH WOW THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

 **mingew:** 0-100 REAL QUICK WTF

 **sun:** i wasnt aware that i was reading a smut

 **guitar wielder:** seungkwan i think you meant *come at me

 **divaboo:** shut up  
**divaboo:** i know what i said

 **guitar wielder:**...ok

 **vernillaice:**  
**vernillaice:** my room.  
**vernillaice:** _now._

 **thug8:** wow  
**thug8:** at least we all know who the dom is in the relationship now lol

 **i hate snakeu:** i am  
**i hate snakeu:** speechless™

 **prince of china:** me too

 **innocent child:** i just went to get some potato chips??  
**innocent child:** um

 **praise the lord:** jeonghan i dont think adding chan back to this gc was the best decision you couldve made

 **dark angel:** shut up josh  
**dark angel:** hes gonna have to learn about all this stuff later on anyways  
**dark angel:** the internet is a dangerous place and we are not letting him go in unprepared

 **prince of china:** soonyoung bet u ₩10,000 seungkwan wont be able to walk properly tomorrow

 **i hate snakeu:** bet u hansol will go easy on him because he's secretly a softie™

 **prince of china:** deal

 **thug8:** but thats like instantly jun's win??  
**thug8:** with what happened earlier im pretty sure there will be no room for softness tonight lmao

 **prince of china:** minghao you're my boyfriend why are u complaining

 **thug8:**  
**thug8:** oops

 **mingew:** chanbaek is the realest ship in exo dont even try to fight me on this

 **thug8:** wdym its obv sebaek??

 **scoops:** minghao pull ur head out of ur ass for one sec  
**scoops:** do u see this shit  
**scoops:**  


**thug8:  
thug8: ** mom,,,

 **dark angel:** sorry bby but i also ship chanbaek so

 **thug8:**  
**thug8:** babe??

 **prince of china:**...  
**prince of china:**  
  
**prince of china:** sorry but that  
**prince of china:** thats true love right there.

 **thug8:** i  
**thug8:**  


 

 

 

**_sun and i hate snakeu’s private chat. - July 19, 12:00 AM._ **

**sun:** hey, soonyoung  
**sun:** are you, uh  
**sun:** are you busy?

 **i hate snakeu:** wdym?? i always make time for u

 **sun:** oh  
**sun:** thanks ig

 **i hate snakeu:** “ig”??  
**i hate snakeu:** whats wrong babe

 **sun:** do u think i deserve to be here??

 **i hate snakeu:** what?  
**i hate snakeu:** i dont understand

 **sun:** like  
**sun:** do u think i deserve to be in seventeen.

 **i hate snakeu:** what the fuck  
**i hate snakeu:** why are you asking me that??  
**i hate snakeu:** of course you do!  
**i hate snakeu:** you're talented and beautiful and so nice and kind and perfect why the fuck wouldnt you belong here with us

 **sun:** idk i just  
**sun:** ive been reading some comments

 **i hate snakeu:** seokmin  
**i hate snakeu:** seokmin no

 **sun:** and they just...  
**sun:** get to me sometimes u know??  
**sun:** like i know i hv to be tough bc u guys also have to deal with shit like this but  
**sun:** im human too  
**sun:** and i just feel like sometimes people forget that

 **i hate snakeu:** baby listen to me  
**i hate snakeu:** youre not the only one  
**i hate snakeu:** remember that time seungkwan cried after reading hate comments abt him??  
**i hate snakeu:** we all get hate comments abt us, but we just try our best to ignore them and be happy for our fans

 **sun:** yeah but i feel like i get more hate comments than the others do  
**sun:** sorry if im being selfish and wasting your time but  
**sun:** maybe its because... im not as good of a vocalist as seungkwan is

 **i hate snakeu:** babe  
**i hate snakeu:** you and seungkwan are both great vocalists  
**i hate snakeu:** you just have different styles, and some may prefer seungkwan's over yours but that doesnt mean you aren't a good singer  
**i hate snakeu:** i know you two get compared to each other a lot and that sucks  
**i hate snakeu:** but theres no hard feelings between you two and thats whats important

 **sun:** yeah  
**sun:** yeah ig ur right

 **i hate snakeu:** you can talk to me about things like this whenever you want ok??  
**i hate snakeu:** youre not wasting my time at all  
**i hate snakeu:** time spent with ur loved ones isn't time gone to waste

 **sun:** thanks  
**sun:** a lot

 **i hate snakeu:** no problemo!! :')  
**i hate snakeu:** you feeling better now??

 **sun:** no not exactly  
**sun:** i think i need...

 **i hate snakeu:** cuddles.

 **sun:** cuddles.  
**sun:** are you up for it??

 **i hate snakeu:** ofc i am omg  
**i hate snakeu:** lee seokmin i love you more than anything else in this world  
**i hate snakeu:** come im waiting for u @ my room

 **sun:** u rly love me that much??  
**sun:** wow im touched

 **i hate snakeu:** yes i do  
**i hate snakeu:** now hurry up u shit i wanna hold u 

 **sun:** coming <33

 **i hate snakeu:** Ɛ>

 **sun:** whoa what the fuck

 


	4. Chapter 4

**y'all sinners - July 21, 5:00 AM.**

**prince of china:** y'all better stop sleeping on my boy soonyoung

 **i hate snakeu:** firstly why the fuck r u messaging us @ 5am  
**i hate snakeu:** why u even awake tbh  
**i hate snakeu:** secondly junhui did you break something again.

 **prince of china:** why r u awake at 5 am hAH  
**prince of china:** & no i didnt break anythinggggg  
**prince of china:** cant i be nice without members suspecting me of doing something bad smh

 **dark angel:** we learned from past experiences

 **prince of china:** shut the fuck up

 **dark angel:** COUGHS AGGRESSIVELY  
**dark angel:** CHEOLLIE WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU

 **innocent child:** what the fuck you guys ur literally sharing a room just shake him awake or smth

 **dark angel:** wHO IS THIS AND WHAT HAVE U DONE WITH MY SON LEE CHAN

 **innocent child:** the fuck u mean its clearly me lee chan  
**innocent child:** lmao u call urself my parent when u cant even tell if its me texting ??? u dont deserve that title

 **i hate snakeu:** WHEEZE  
**i hate snakeu:** CHANS ON A FUCKING ROLL TODAY DAMN

 **innocent child:** its 5 am what did u fucking expect

 **thug8:** ^

 **mingew:** SAME

 **sun:** shut up mingyu youre way too scared of jeonghan to say stuff like that to him  
**sun:** ur like ,,, even less threatening than a strand of hair

 **the real visual of svt:** can you all SHUT UP AND GO BACK TO SLEEP  
**the real visual of svt:** CARATS WANT US TO GET REST YOU FUCKS HOW ABT WE LISTEN TO THEM

 **innocent child:** wow what a good idea !!!

 **divaboo:** whats going on

 **the real visual of svt:** fuck this shit im waking jihoon up

 **prince of china:** FUCKING SHIT DICK ASS BITCH WE'RE SCREWED

 **guitar wielder:** [rises from the dead]

 **praise the lord:** [dramatic gasp]

 **vernillaice:** oh ofc when jihoon gets up joshua gets up too lol

 **praise the lord:** shut your fucking mouth vernon i swear to god  
**praise the lord:** i am cranky it is 5 am do u want to die

 **vernillaice:** fUCKFUCKFUCK JOSHUA JUST CURSED AAAA WE'RE IN EVEN DEEPER SHIT NOW

 **divaboo:** thanks to u [nervous laugh]

 **scoops:** some intense roleplaying going on here whoo

 **dark angel:** chEOL HELP  
**dark angel:** IM TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP BUT THESE DONGS KEEP BLOWING UP MY PHONE

 **praise the lord:** nothing ur not used to tho rite lmaoo

 **dark angel:** JOSHUA FUCKING HONG  
**dark angel:** dID YOU JUST INDIRECTLY CALL ME A HOE  
**dark angel:** hoLD MY WEAVE CHEOL IM BOUTTA THROW SOME HANDS

 **praise the lord:** try me bitch

 **prince of china:** [fans self] so much drama

 **thug8:** [sips tea]

 **divaboo:** WAIT  
**divaboo:  
  
**

 **thug8:** bye

 **vernillaice:** biTHCJC

 **sun:** fuCKJSJSKLSLKSK I KNEW IT WAS COMING 

 **i hate snakeu:** bSHHHSHS WHY IS HYUNGWON SUCH A MEME

 **divaboo:** lbr tho all of monsta x r memes tbh

 **innocent child:** no  
**innocent child:** changkyunnie-hyung is too pretty to be a meme

 **sun:** first of all just bc u pretty dont mean u cant be a meme  
**sun:** look i have proof right here  
**sun:** @i hate snakeu

 **i hate snakeu:** aw  
**i hate snakeu:** u think im pretty ??? thats so cute wtf

 **sun:** ur cute  
**sun:** SECONDLY HHHH CHAN UR SO OBVIOUS  
**sun:** ur clearly head over heels for changkyun aa

 **divaboo:** lmfao

 **vernillaice:** ok but seokmin speaks truth [insert that one emoji of the dude raising his palms up to the sky]

 **divaboo:** dang did u suddenly lose ur emoji keyboard hn

 **vernillaice:** i fucking hate u goodbye

 **innocent child:** im not even gna deny it tbh changkyun is like the prettiest human being ive ever laid my eyes on ,,,

 **dark angel:** thats ,,, the same thing u said abt me ,,, u traitor ,,,

 **innocent child:** ye   
**innocent child:** but this time i actually mean it when i say changkyun is pretty

 **scoops:** dAMN

 **praise the lord:** chAN DID MY JOB FOR ME HKSKSKSKS JEONGHAN thATS WHAT U GET U ASSWIPE

 **dark angel:** headlines, headlines;;  
**dark angel:** seventeen's 95 line friendship broken up ?!?!?!

 **praise the lord:** #1 trending on twitter tmrw just u wait  
**praise the lord:** #jihanbrokeup

 **scoops:** im

 **the real visual of svt:** why the fuck is our group so fucking extra

 **mingew:** ^ bitch i ask msyelf that everyday  
**mingew:** *myself   
**mingew:** fuck my fingers

 **guitar wielder:** mingyu how about you shut your trap before i kick ur ass back into satan's arms where u fucking belong  
**guitar wielder:** wonwoo stfu not like ur any better right  
**guitar wielder:** @ jeongcheol ur beef ain't hot shit here anymore none of us are interested go cry in a hole  
**guitar wielder:** soonseok bring ur cheesy ass romance shit elsewhere im trying to sleep  
**guitar wielder:** verkwan ,,, just stop being verkwan.

 **dark angel:** WDYM "@ JEONGCHEOL" JOSHUA WAS OBV INVOLVED TOO

 **scoops:** BITHCHJ I DIDNT DO SHIT ,,, JOSHUA DID MORE THAN ME U BIASED LITTLE TWINK

 **guitar wielder:** chan  
**guitar wielder:** yes u go boy roast the shit out of all your elders  
**guitar wielder:** respect? whats that?

 **innocent child:** hear that you fuckers  
**innocent child:** jihoon fucking approves  
**innocent child:** taste that

 **vernillaice:** chan ya nasty

 **guitar wielder:** and joshua shut your pretty little lips  
**guitar wielder:** the only thing that honey-sweet voice should be saying is my name

 **praise the lord:** holY FUCKCJCK

 **scoops:** damn didnt know jihoon topped ???  
**scoops:** he looks like such a sub what an unexpected turn of events

 **sun:** dear god joshua please do not get a boner at 5 am

 **praise the lord:** im not that nasty seokmin shut it

 **guitar wielder:** all of u go to sleep   
**guitar wielder:** except joshua bcs uve been such a bad fucking boy you dirty little slut

 **divaboo:** GOTTA BLAST

 **vernillaice:** GOTTA KRIS

 **innocent child:** GOTTA TAO

 **scoops:** GOTTA LUHAN

 **sun:** GOTTA MCR

 **mingew:** GOTTA 4MINUTE

 **the real visual of svt:** GOTTA 2NE1

 **i hate snakeu:** GOTTA SISTAR

 **dark angel:** stOP  
**dark angel:**  TOO FUCKING SOON

 **thug8:** fuck off

 **praise the lord:** sry seokmin but i mightve "accidentally" gotten a boner ??? :))

 **sun:** i FUCKING KNEW HE WAS FINNA BUST A NUT  
**sun:** @ SOONYOUNG WHAT DID I FUCKING TELLL U HE GETS TURNEDD ON BY LIIKE ANY AND EVREYGHING JIHOON DOESD

 **prince of china:** honestly

 **thug8:**  jihoon could crash into a wall and joshua would still find it hot jfc

 **i hate snakeu:** FKFJSKJKJFKJK MINGHAO STOP IM PISSING

 **scoops:** i mean id find it hot tbh like just imagine his lip bleeding ??? my ultimate kINK  
**scoops:  
**

 **guitar wielder:** i fucking swear on jisoo's holy ass i will slit your fucking throat

 **dark angel:** someone bring me the divorce papers


	5. Chapter 5

**y’all sinners - July 22, 1:00 pm.**

 

**praise the lord:** oh my   
**praise the lord:** what the heck happened back there

**scoops:** u and jeonghan got into a bit of an argument  
**scoops:** tis okay it happens

**dark angel:** u called me a hoe lmao   
**dark angel:** idk what rly happened either we kinda just blew up in each other’s faces??

**scoops:** didnt seem that serious of an argument

**dark angel:** it started as a joke but then ,,, we said some pretty personal + hurtful stuff  
**dark angel:** most of the shit was happening in our pm 

**praise the lord:** i  
**praise the lord:** i read everything  
**praise the lord:** oH GOD JEONGHAN IM SO SORRY  
**praise the lord:** I DIDNT MEAN ANYTHING I SAID

**dark angel:** aaa cutie   
**dark angel:** i didnt either ,,, i was just frustrated and tired at the time

**praise the lord:** ffsjsksklfs  
**praise the lord:** now i feel horrible :((

**dark angel:** ur so adorable wtf  
**dark angel:** come here lets watch finding dory together

**praise the lord:** nO  
**praise the lord:** stop making me watch that movie w u im going to cry again

**dark angel:** is it kinda weird that i wanna see u cry?¿  
**dark angel:** i mean ,,, u keep ur feelings bottled up most of the time and its just rare   
**dark angel:** for u to show ur emotions ,,, by like crying or yelling at someone  
**dark angel:** tbh im kinda glad u yelled at me

**praise the lord:** oh

**dark angel:** fuck that came out sounding a lot deeper than i intended it to  
**dark angel:** i just  
**dark angel:** i love u    
**dark angel:** n i care abt u    
**dark angel:** thts all

**praise the lord:** aw  
**praise the lord:** i feel warm inside

**scoops:** what is going on

**dark angel:** shut up cheollie im just   
**dark angel:** expressing my love for hong joshua

**scoops:** friendly reminder that this is a jeongcheol fic and not a jihan one  
**scoops:** please note that a jihan one is coming up soon tho !!! (even tho jihan might just be a side pairing shh)

**dark angel:** friendly reminder that fuck you

**praise the lord:** stop giving out spoilers cheol its not cool

**scoops:** :((

**dark angel:** U HEAR THAT   
**dark angel:** JOSHUA THINKS UR “not cool”

**scoops:** im

**guitar wielder:** aight what the fuck is happening here

**dark angel:** joshua is mine  
**dark angel:** im claiming him

**praise the lord:** oh

**scoops:** excuse u who said joshua is urs  
**scoops:** joshuas mine u want him u gotta fight me for him u bitch

**dark angel:** square up pussy  
**dark angel:** u boutta catch these hands

**praise the lord:** o h

**guitar wielder:** !!!  
**guitar wielder:** what is this i smell  
**guitar wielder:** thats right ¡¡¡ its bullshit

**dark angel:** joshua would gladly choose me over u cheol   
**dark angel:** wouldnt u josh

**praise the lord:** u-um

**scoops:** OH MY FUCK  
**scoops:** DID HE JUST  
**scoops:** STUTTER  
**scoops:** OVER TEXT

**dark angel:** IM SCREMAEING

**scoops:** BYE IM DECEASED THAT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER

**guitar wielder:** what

**dark angel:** thAT WAS SO FUCKING ADORABLE GOODBYE EARTH  
**dark angel:** AAAAAA JOSHUA UR SO PRECIOU S

**guitar wielder:** why are two grown men freaking out over my boyfriend

**scoops:** maRRY ME

**praise the lord:** i

**dark angel:** nO MARRY  _ ME  
_ **dark angel:** @ jihoon aint our fault u got a cuteass boyfriend

**scoops:** i once told him his shirt looked good on him and he  _ blushed  
_ **scoops:** and when i asked him abt it he said “oh, i-it’s just makeup”

**dark angel:** im sQUEALING JOSHUA IS ACTUALLY THE DEFINITION OF ADORABLE  
**dark angel:** he blushes every time someone compliments him its actually the most precious thing ever

**scoops:** protect him

**guitar wielder:** honestly u should listen to him moaning he sounds like a kitten mewling its cute tbh  
**guitar wielder:** dunno why i just told u that but 

**dark angel:** i actually did hear him moan once

**praise the lord:** HANNIE NO

**dark angel:** so ,,, the story goes ,,,

**praise the lord:** PLEASE NO ITS EMBARRASSING

**scoops:** im intrigued  
**scoops:** please continue

**praise the lord:** sjskdskjskjs nononono

**dark angel:** we were just bros being bros ,,, joshua was being a cheeky lil dick  
**dark angel:** so i got ticked off and tried tickling his foot  
**dark angel:** but nothing happened !!! and thats weird !!! bcs  _ everyone  _ laughs when ppl tickle their foot !!!  
**dark angel:** so needless to say i was vry curious

**scoops:** hm

**dark angel:** n i tried to find his ticklish spot  
**dark angel:** and i tickled his neck ,,, and then  _ whoa _

**praise the lord:** fjJKFSKLK IT WASNT MY FAULT HANNIE

**dark angel:** i know it wasnt  
**dark angel:** it was just rly funny for some reason  
**dark angel:** and then i got a boner after so yeah thanks

**praise the lord:** welcome ,,, i guess ,,,

**scoops:** holD UP U GOT A BONER  
**scoops:** IM CACKLING

**guitar wielder:** i  
**guitar wielder:** cannot believe joshua gave u a hardon

**dark angel:** FUCK OFF  
**dark angel:** ffs u guys get hardons when u watch gay porn too whats the difference

**scoops:** waIT SO THEN WHAT DID YOU DO ???

**dark angel:** nothing  
**dark angel:** i was just  
**dark angel:** shook

**scoops:** bitch i would be too

**guitar wielder:** thats it for today folks  
**guitar wielder:** tune in again next week for your weekly episode of “jihan’s marvelous misadventures!”

**praise the lord:** i rly want to swear right now but i cant

**dark angel:** do it  
**dark angel:** ur hot when u swear

**guitar wielder:** clenches fist

**dark angel:** **cute  
**dark angel:** actually lbr anything joshua does is cute

**scoops:** tru

**praise the lord:** stop im blushing

**dark angel:** LOOK AT THIS BEAN  
**dark angel:** [ugly screaming]

**scoops:** ^

**[dark angel renamed the chat to “everybody loves joshua”!]**

 

**praise the lord:** jeonghaaaan  
**praise the lord:** stooop

**guitar wielder:** 2ji who¿ might as well just change the ship to jihancheol  
**guitar wielder:** @ the universe

**praise the lord:** no dont say that i still love u the most jihoonie

**guitar wielder:** fuCK HOW CAN A PERSON BE SO CUTE  
**guitar wielder:** i want to squish ur cheeks and cuddle w u and shower u w kisses for 2 hours

**praise the lord:** :))

**guitar wielder:** come here

**dark angel:** BUT   
**dark angel:** WHAT ABOUT  
**dark angel:** FINDING DORY

**praise the lord:** uh

**dark angel:** fine ill let u off this once [angry huffing emoji]  
**dark angel:** but nextt time ur definitely coming to watch finding dory w me !!!

**praise the lord:** yes sir

**scoops:** sir? [eyes emoji]  
**scoops:** dang kinky

**guitar wielder:** **daddy

**praise the lord:** i mean  
**praise the lord:** yes daddy**

**guitar wielder:** damn that was surprisingly easy  
**guitar wielder:** u listen well dont u  
**guitar wielder:** since when??

**praise the lord:** since now   
**praise the lord:** i only listen to you, daddy

**dark angel:** biTHCJJC BYE

**scoops:** “JOSHUA IS ADORABLE”   
**scoops:** “PROTECT THIS PRECIOUS LITTLE BEAN”  
**scoops:  
**   


  
  
  


**everybody loves joshua - July 23, 2:33 PM.**

 

**prince of china:** so did yall end up havin a foursome or smth lol  
**prince of china:** i read all the messages (surprising i kno)  
**prince of china:** seemed pretty saucy

**thug8:** "saucy"  
**thug8:** lmao no 2ji probably had some rough jealous sex or some shit  
**thug8:** jeongcheol were all over joshua like did u seE that hnn

**vernillaice:** but everyone loves joshua !!!  
**vernillaice:** hes cute and kind and sweet and gentle !!!  
**vernillaice:** and hes my english buddy !!!

**divaboo:** oh

**vernillaice:** BUT  
**vernillaice:** everyone should love seungkwan too !!!  
**vernillaice:** hes fluffy and precious and the nicest person ive ever met !!!  
**vernillaice:** also has a v good singing voice !!!

**divaboo:** :”))

**sun:** “v good singing voice” boi u got that right  
**sun:** u heard them high notes? mariah carey sunbaenim is shaking

**i hate snakeu:** sCREECHING

**divaboo:** but seokminnie hyung u also hv a vry nice singing voice !!!  
**divaboo:** honestly your vocal range? freddie mercury sunbaenim is quaking in his grave

**sun:** aw thanks boo  
**sun:** lil cutie <3

**i hate snakeu:** told u so bb

**sun:** aaaah i love u all

**i hate snakeu:** love u too

**innocent child:** damn 5 am me is a savage  
**innocent child:** good job lee chan

**i hate snakeu:** ye kid u had some real nerve back there  
**i hate snakeu:** pissing off momma like that jeonghannie was shookt  
**i hate snakeu:** “this cannot be chan” “thiS ISNT HIM” smh the dude is still in denial

**the real visual of svt:** should realise that his child is growing up   
**the real visual of svt:** doesnt wanna b babied anymore  
**the real visual of svt:** “dino nugu aegi” did u mean “dino . is . an . adult .”

**i hate snakeu:** wonwoo ur rly pissing me off  
**i hate snakeu:** why tf is ur username so long

**the real visual of svt:** fuck u bitch its a good name   
**the real visual of svt:** \+ its true    
**the real visual of svt:** ur just jealous that im better than u :^)

**[i hate snakeu changed the real visual of svt’s nickname to “wonwoohoo”!]**

 

**wonwoohoo:** unfriended  
**wonwoohoo:** blocked  
**wonwoohoo:** reported

**i hate snakeu:** soonwoo who?  
**i hate snakeu:** soonwoo’s dead

**wonwoohoo:** we aren’t friends anymore soonyoung this is it  
**wonwoohoo:** 4… 5 years of friendship maybe? its all over

**i hate snakeu:** fuck im tearing up

**mingew:** yall are too dramatic sometimes

**i hate snakeu:** dramatic is my middle name :^)

**mingew:** kwon dramatic soonyoung  
**mingew:** hm i quite like it  
**mingew:** has a nice ring to it

 

**[i hate snakeu changed praise the lord’s nickname to “pure sin”!]**

 

**i hate snakeu:** see thats a lot more fitting

**prince of china:** lmao  
**prince of china:** this whole time we thought joshua was the normal, innocent one besides chan ,,,  
**prince of china:** but we were wrong

**thug8:** sjskldksl  
**thug8:** we also found out that jihoon has a major daddy kink

**sun:** FJKSJKLSKSK  
**sun:** STOP IM SCARED HES GOING TO KILL US

**guitar wielder:** i wont :)

**wonwoohoo:** WOOZI IS ALIVE !!¡¡  
**wonwoohoo:** REJOICE R E J O I C E

**mingew:** ;-;  
**mingew:** u werent this happy when i came back from the jungle ,,,

**thug8:** fuCK  
**thug8:** I CAN FEEL MINGYUS PAIN FROM HERE

**prince of china:** ouch that must hurt ,,,

**wonwoohoo:** babe !!!  
**wonwoohoo:** sjdksdjksk im just not good at feelings u kno i turn into an incoherent mess when i see u

**mingew:** T_T

**wonwoohoo:** but !!! i !!! love !!! you !!!  
**wonwoohoo:** ill tell u that a million times until u believe me

**mingew:** i already do

**wonwoohoo:** fuck  
**wonwoohoo:** my hands are shaking

**mingew:** cutie

**wonwoohoo:** COUGHS  
**wonwoohoo:** im not cute im intimidating

**i hate snakeu:** dw mingyu he tells me that all the time  
**i hate snakeu:** its bullshit tbh  
**i hate snakeu:** he literally looks like a puppy !!! look at his cute wide eyes and the way he wrinkles his nose ah

**mingew:** soonyoung hyung lets fanboy over wonwoo together

**i hate snakeu:** im in

**sun:** AM I INVITED TOO

**mingew:** ofc !!!

**sun:** AYE

**vernillaice:** what the fuck is happening right now im confused

**divaboo:** a bitch is lost and that bitch is me

**innocent child:** ^  
**innocent child:** im honestly just happy i got away w all that rude shit i pulled  
**innocent child:** im lucky im still alive now tbh

**divaboo:** whatta shame  
**divaboo:** i actually rly liked bitchy chan  
**divaboo:** its funny seeing the hyungs betrayed by the maknae they thought they could trust

**innocent child:** your mind is pretty twisted seungkwan-hyung  
**innocent child:** wonder what kinda fucked up shit ur into in the bedroom lol

**vernillaice:** hes into handcuffs  
**vernillaice:** and sensory deprivation ??? and ,,, wax ,,,  
**vernillaice:** AND leashes and collars and that shit  
**vernillaice:** also slight choking kink

**innocent child:** aight well damn  
**innocent child:** certainly didnt expect u to seriously list all of seungkwan’s kinks  
**innocent child:** \+ i dont see seungkwan complaining? maybe being exposedt is his kink wow

**prince of china:** is that a thing ??  
**prince of china:** im mildly disturbed

**innocent child:** it better not be a thing i swear to god  
**innocent child:** humanity has let me down enough times i dont think i can handle it

**thug8:** i second that

**vernillaice:** [scandalized gasp]

**divaboo:** for your info  
**divaboo:** i do not like being exposedt tyvm  
**divaboo:** i like my secrets when theyre locked away safely in a box

**innocent child:** hm [eyes emoji]  
**innocent child:** seungkwan looks like your average cutiepatootie ,,, pretty, sweet, nice, talented…  
**innocent child:** but donut be fooled for looks can b deceiving !!!  
**innocent child:** the most innocent-looking people usually hide the darkest secrets 

**divaboo:** my darkest secret ???  
**divaboo:** hm.

**vernillaice:** his darkest secret is that he actually steals memes from other band members  
**vernillaice:** hyungwon-hyung has been complaining to me nonstop about seungkwan’s “meme thievery”  
**vernillaice:** apparently monsta x and bts are his main victims. poor guys  
**vernillaice:** and also got7 ,,, mostly bambam & yugyeom bcs the rest aren’t so “memey” as he once told me

**thug8:** well fuck  
**thug8:** im ,,, disappointed in u ,,, seungkwan ,,,  
**thug8:** stealing memes? now das a low blow

**prince of china:** im hurt  
**prince of china:** seungkwan how could you commit such a horrible crime?  
**prince of china:** i cannot process this

**divaboo:** me neither  
**divaboo:** cant process the fact that my boyfriend just exposedt my secrets to the world  
**divaboo:** guess soonyoung isnt the only snake here huh 

**vernillaice:** am sorry they needed to kno  
**vernillaice:** \+ chill its not the “whole world” its just 11 other boys that you are v close to and trust w your life

**divaboo:** the fbi are monitoring all our chats !!!

**innocent child:** p sure they arent interested in 13 weirdass adults’ lives lmao  
**innocent child:** “they singing abt putting toast on jam? yeah they harmless leave ‘em be”

**i hate snakeu:** aM SCREAMING  
**i hate snakeu:** sHUT UP JAM JAM IS A BOP  
**i hate snakeu:** also ayyy vernon we snake buddies now

**vernillaice:** im not a snake !!!!  
**vernillaice:** they had to find out one way or another seungkwan :((

**divaboo:** [scandalized gasp]

**vernillaice:** omg shutup thats  _ my  _ thing

**divaboo:** _ im _ your thing

**vernillaice:** yes you fucking are  
**vernillaice:** seems like sometimes u hv a hard time remembering that though :))

**divaboo:** ¿¿¿¿

**vernillaice:** dont “¿¿¿¿” me  
**vernillaice:** u know what u did  
**vernillaice:** that whole pocky thing with seungcheol right in front of my face ???  
**vernillaice:** \+ uve been extra touchy-feely w him lately u think i havent noticed

**divaboo:** [sips tea nervously]

**thug8:** drama !!!  
**thug8:** this is what i signed up for when i joined this gc

**prince of china:** [grabs popcorn]  
**prince of china:** im ready start the show

**vernillaice:** smh  
**vernillaice:** remember when we were in the waiting room n u sneakily sat on his lap  
**vernillaice:** yeah i saw  
**vernillaice:** you were looking right at me ,,, u think i dont know what u were trying to do ??

**divaboo:** i wasnt trying to do anything?¿

**vernillaice:** did i ask you to fucking speak

**divaboo:** oh

**i hate snakeu:** fUCK  
**i hate snakeu:** i am liVING for dom vernon yes  
**i hate snakeu:** u see this shit seokmin? good shit right here

**sun:** damn  
**sun:** i always thought they switched but guess not  
**sun:** seungkwans too much of a sub lol i can never see him as a dom again

**thug8:** verkwan pls take this somewhere else  
**thug8:** im sure none of us would like to see u publicly sexting each other tyvm

**vernillaice:** was not my original intention but thanks for the idea minghao ;))

**thug8:** oh fuck

**prince of china:** you DUMBASS  
**prince of china:** YOU ONLY ENCOURAGED THEM !!!

**thug8:** right maybe i should just shut up then

**innocent child:** wonder how you didnt think of that idea earlier

 

**[thug8 changed innocent child’s nickname to “rude bitch”!]**

 

**rude bitch:** thanks hyung  
**rude bitch:** this is the first time my efforts are being acknowledged im touched

**thug8:** ur welcome dongsaeng :))

**i hate snakeu:** SHIMMY

**sun:** SHIMMY

**prince of china:** KOKOBOP

**thug8:** STOP  
**thug8:** HAJIMA  
**thug8:** TING  
**thug8:** fuck whats stop in french

**rude bitch:** arretez?  
**rude bitch:** hell i dunno i aint french

**thug8:** ARRETEZ

**prince of china:** I THINK I LIKE IT  
**prince of china:** GINJANGEUN DOWN DOWN  
**prince of china:** BOKKEURO MALGO  
**prince of china:** thats  
**prince of china:** all i remember

**sun:** im  
**sun:** disappointed  
**sun:** ur not a tru exo-l!11!111!!1

**i hate snakeu:** !11!!1!

**prince of china:** can i quit seventeen pleas  
**prince of china:** i didnt leave my hometown just to be bullied by my friends  
**prince of china:** much less my dONGSAENGS *coughs* LEE SEOKMIN *cough*

**sun:** :)

**thug8:** ye go back to china ill come w u  
**thug8:** i certainly didnt leave my family just to get 2 lines per album

**i hate snakeu:** JSKSJFKSJSJK THE SHADE  
**i hate snakeu:** HONESTLY ITS TRUE @ PLEDIS IM SUING  
**i hate snakeu:** aPPRECIATE MINGHAO + JUN’S VOCALS YA LIL SHITS

**pure sin:** manager’s gonna kill u lmao

**sun:** JOSHUA’S ALIVE ? !?!?!! /!?!

**pure sin:** ¿¿  
**pure sin:** ive been lurking the whole time wdym

**i hate snakeu:** “lurking” hah  
**i hate snakeu:** ye sure then explain the moans tht were coming from jihoon’s room?  
**i hate snakeu:** “lurking”

**thug8:** HAHAHAHAH  
**thug8:** SOONYOUNG OUT HERE EXPOSING ALL THE 95LINER’S SECRETS  
**thug8:** FIRST JEONGHAN’S DADDY KINK NOW THIS  
**thug8:** MMM WONDER WHAT HES GNA SAY ABT SEUNGCHEOL

**scoops:** i will actually skin you alive if u say anything abt me soonyoung  
**scoops:** im not kidding this time

**i hate snakeu:** ok

**pure sin:** kwon hoshi who? i only know kwon snake

**i hate snakeu:** sbksjkds  
**i hate snakeu:** NOT my fault honestly why am i always the one overhearing other ppl having sex like ??  
**i hate snakeu:** yall are louder than me

**sun:** WHEEZE

**pure sin:** that is a lie  
**pure sin:** youre loud as fuck ppl could probably still hear u from the 9th circle of hell

**sun:** THATS AN EXAGGERATION

**pure sin:** its not  
**pure sin:** look just wait the next time u have sex satan’s gonna file a noise complaint

**dark angel:** LMFAOSJKSJS

**divaboo:** hnn  
**divaboo:** stOP making me imagine bottom soonyoung jfksjks its not helping

**i hate snakeu:** am i making you  
**i hate snakeu:** hard? ;)

**divaboo:** non  
**divaboo:** lets just say ,,,  
**divaboo:** imagining soonyoung getting fucked is like imagining ur grandma naked

**dark angel:** LSKLSKDKSLKDS ALL THE DONGSAENGS ARE SAVAGES TODAY DANGG

**sun:** omg  
**sun:** no  
**sun:** u’ve seen him after practice when hes all hot & sweaty n his hair is all ruffled  
**sun:** imagine it under different ,,, circumstances  
**sun:** [inhales] do u hv any idea how good it feels knowing you’re the cause of that

**divaboo:** thats  
**divaboo:** that sounds kinda poetic wtf

**sun:** what can i say i have a way with words

**guitar wielder:** ?

**sun:** I MEAN  
**sun:** JIHOON IS STILL !!! BEST !!! POET !!!  
**sun:** POET OF THE CENTURY HES SO GOOD W WORDS WOW  
**sun:** wORDS ARE LIKE HIS BEST FRIENDS

**vernillaice:** lmao

**guitar wielder:** :)

**dark angel:** lets stop talking abt soonseok’s sex life bc thats clearly p uninteresting  
**dark angel:** so joshua :)) my love :))

**scoops:** COUGHS

**pure sin:** um  
**pure sin:** but cheollie??

**scoops:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
**scoops:** CHEOLLIE  
**scoops:** C H E O L L I E  
**scoops:** MY SOUL HAS LEFT MY BODY SKDLSdKSKLSKLKS

**guitar wielder:** …  
**guitar wielder:** its happening again

**vernillaice:** jeongcheol fighting over joshua?? honestly i dont understand what the point of this is

**dark angel:** “cheollie”???  
**dark angel:** [scandalized gasp]

**vernillaice:** sTOP USING THAT ITS MY THING !!!  
**vernillaice:** \+ SEUNGKWAN’S THING !!!

**divaboo:** thnks boo

**dark angel:** NICKNAMES ???  
**dark angel:** SINCE WHEN

**pure sin:** since never  
**pure sin:** i just like calling him cheollie its cute  
**pure sin:** bet u call him that when u fuck lmao is that why ur getting so triggeredt

**i hate snakeu:** DJKJXJKKS JOSHUA HAHAHAHA

**wonwoohoo:** am back  
**wonwoohoo:** … do i want to be back ?

**guitar wielder:** probably not the best time rn

**wonwoohoo:** oh  
**wonwoohoo:** im staying for the drama bcs mingyu wants to watch what happens  
**wonwoohoo:** nosy lil shit

**guitar wielder:** appreciate your boyfriend more wonwoo smh  
**guitar wielder:** this is why he comes to me at 3am questioning if u rly love him or not

**wonwoohoo:** THIS IS MINGYU  
**wonwoohoo:** STELAING WONWOOS PHONE  
**wonwoohoo:** JIHOON I DID NOT ASK FOR U TO EXPOSE MY SECRETS BUT THANKS

**guitar wielder:** yw

**wonwoohoo:** hello this is wonwoo again  
**wonwoohoo:** am sorry i will appreciaet mingyu more i promis

**dark angel:** fyi @ joshua  
**dark angel:** i dont  
**dark angel:** tht would totally kill the mood skjdksjk 

**scoops:** hes lying  
**scoops:** he totally does

**i hate snakeu:** yeah  
**i hate snakeu:** seungcheols telling the truth

**pure sin:** :))  
**pure sin:** dont lie to me hannie i see straight through you

**dark angel:** joshua is scary

**scoops:** wdym  
**scoops:** joshua’s cute  
**scoops:** cutest human bean on earth  
**scoops:** i want to hug

**pure sin:** im available

**guitar wielder:** nO YOURE NOT

**pure sin:** yes i am :))

**guitar wielder:** :((

**dark angel:** JIHOON IS SO CUTE WHEN HES JEALOUS SJKDJKS  
**dark angel:** lets hang out w joshua more then cheol  
**dark angel:** maybe then 2ji will hv some sweet cuddling sessions  
**dark angel:** they honestly rly need some to take a break from all the sin

**guitar wielder:** ah yes  
**guitar wielder:** just u wait joshua :))  
**guitar wielder:** when ur done im going to attack u w hugs and kisses  
**guitar wielder:** ur never gna wanna leave

**pure sin:** jihoon is such a bad liar  
**pure sin:** u kno after being friends w jeonghan for so long i thought ur lying skills wouldve improved a lot  
**pure sin:** bcs thats definitely wht happened to cheollie

**dark angel:** joSHUA  
**dark angel:** whAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN

**pure sin:** stop thirsting after my ass

**dark angel:** you hv a nice one

**pure sin:** DO YOU SEE MY POINT

**dark angel:** mm  
**dark angel:** no

**thug8:** 95liner drama could honestly turn into an actual kdrama  
**thug8:** ft. jihoon

**divaboo:** whole drama’s just gna be jeonghan drooling over joshua lmfaoo

**thug8:** tru  
**thug8:** ah idk maybe jihancheol could hv a threesome at the end? sounds p good to me

**prince of china:** threesomes are h0t  
**prince of china:** joshua would totally be the bottom  
**prince of china:** and double penetration !!!

**guitar wielder:** you all need to hajima

**wonwoohoo:** for once i agree with jihoon

**divaboo:** is jeongcheol even a thing anymore  
**divaboo:** seems like its just jihan vs. cheolsoo  
**divaboo:** and 2ji are secretly dating but no one knows that

**vernillaice:** u could be a movie director honestly

**divaboo:** thank !!!

**scoops:** ofc jeongcheol is still a thing  
**scoops:** we’re the king & queen of seventeen how can we just split like that

**guitar wielder:** king & queen my ass

**prince of china:** yeah seungcheol thats all in your head  
**prince of china:** p sure none of us consider u the king lol  
**prince of china:** s.coups ??? what the fuck kinda stage name is that  
**prince of china:** u should just be called soups instead 

**thug8:** SOUPS HAHAHAHHA

**scoops:** jun if u dont shut the fuck up im going to call the ceo and tell him to give u only 0.1 seconds of lines per album i swear

**prince of china:  
**   


  
  
  
  


**everybody loves joshua - July 23, 12:07 AM.**

 

**wonwoohoo:** yall ever realized that  
**wonwoohoo:** seungcheol’s laugh sounds like a car engine revving up  
**wonwoohoo:** maybe thats why jeonghan loves riding him so much hm

**mingew:** jeon wonwoo darling

**wonwoohoo:** ??

**mingew:** go the fuck back to sleep

 

**Author's Note:**

> USERNAMES IN CASE YOU GOT CONFUSED;;
> 
> seungcheol - scoops  
> jeonghan - dark angel  
> jisoo - praise the lord  
> jun - prince of china  
> soonyoung - h u r r i c a n e  
> wonwoo - the real visual of svt  
> jihoon - guitar wielder  
> seokmin - sun  
> mingyu - S N E E Z E  
> minghao - thug8  
> seungkwan - divaboo  
> vernon - vernillaice  
> chan - pure maknae


End file.
